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She explained about pain, sexual pain, saying that, “it was not for some folk, including your dad, oh he is an aggressive no nonsense lover but he doesn’t cause me pain like Jack did, to me that was sublime, and I loved it, he could have done anything to me could my Jack and I would have let him, belive me…! she sat back and I let her to doze for a while. By now it had come on to rain, dark clouds had formed and the light had faded, so our gloomy little living room, tucked in the middle of the house was even darker than usual, and the image will forever be fixed in my brain, as she sat naked, in the glow of that fire-light, remembering things past. She I thought done all this just for me, or had she, I wonder now, used as a last sexual hurrah… or was it just to save me from being shy! Now we shall never know. After a while I took her to bed once again, gentle lovemaking in the missionary position for a start, but I pinched her nipples playfully and she eyed me with a wan smile, then. I said ‘Your Mum is not too happy about you starting to smoke again.’ She pulled a face and said ‘I know, but we have spoken about it and she understands.’ I raised an eyebrow in question ‘Because of the stress that the break up with Dean put you under?’ ‘Not really,’ she replied, ‘it was more a statement of identity, it was my smoking, or more accurately his reaction to it, that was the beginning of the end of our relationship, it made me realise just what sort of man that he is.’ ‘How so?’ She shrugged and drew on her cigarette before answering ‘He decided that I should stop, I had no intention of stopping, all my friends smoke, I enjoy smoking, we have a shelter at work, like a bus shelter with doors, where a gang of seven of us go for a smoke, and we have a laugh there. One evening at home he said that it was time for me to stop and he took my cigarettes out of my bag and crushed them and threw them in the bin.’ ‘What did you say?’ ‘I asked him how dare he decide what I do or.
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